as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
