i don't like sucking hair
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
