i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
