Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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