My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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