We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
