so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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