This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
