She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
