some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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