Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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