took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
