i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
