I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
