kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
