Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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