There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
