so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
