Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
