Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
