her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
