dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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