No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
