first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
