come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
