Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
