i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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