That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
