just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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