me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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