Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
