whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
