I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
