i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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