Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
