Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
