my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
