Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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