I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
