woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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