when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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