the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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