How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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