Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize