is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
