I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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