Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
