I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
