this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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