You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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