Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
