why im i the only drunk person in the library?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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