last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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