As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They have beer where we have blood.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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