20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
