Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
