The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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