I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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