how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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