When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
