I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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