I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I will be naked everywhere
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
