You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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