cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
