i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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