Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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