You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
