did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
