She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
