u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
