I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
