if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
