haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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