Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
