I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
