I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize