I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
