youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
