he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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