I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
