I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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