So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
