you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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