I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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