Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
