new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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