I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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