I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
