My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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