He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
