What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
