Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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