I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
