just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
