i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
