I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
