your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
