I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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