Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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