Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
