my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
