to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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