It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
