I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
