Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
